Interesting Memento

Posted: August 9, 2014 in Health, Jokes, Life

I have heard of people keeping remnants of their surgery. Bullets, placenta, kidney stones, pins, screws and plates etc. are all treasured mementos.

So apparently the surgeon chisels and/or saws off bone during my knee replacement surgery. Hmm. Interesting indeed. Should I get the bits and pieces of me back in a plastic cup?

What would I do with it? I could incorporate it into an unusual backsplash. I might bury it in a garden or even a potted plant. I’ve got it! I can take it to a jeweler and make it into a pendant.

Have I gone too far? I think I have gone too far on the last one. I need to go classy on this one. Okay, how about having them bronzed into some fancy bookends?

I need to stop thinking about this surgery. Actually, I can’t. My mind is really impressing me.

So, on Monday (in 4 days) I will be getting my knee replacement surgery. This bipolar succinctly goes through a plethora of thoughts and emotions. And now I’ve stopped .

What do I want to do, think or say? Music! That’s it. I need to think about a Top Ten Playlist for knee surgery and/or hospitalization. This may take a while.

1. Like A Surgeon – Weird Al Yankovic

2. Flagpole Sitta – Harvey Danger

3. Not The Doctor – Alanis Morrisette

4. The First Cut Is the Deepest – Rod Stewart

5. King of Pain – The Police

6. Just Like A Pill – Pink

7. Everybody Hurts – R.E.M.

8. Hurt’s So Good – John Mellencamp

9. Scar Tissue – The Red Hot Chili Peppers

10. Walk This Way – by Aerosmith

It’s Free

Posted: August 4, 2014 in Life, Mexico, Nature
Tags: , , , , , ,

Lately, I’ve been experiencing some weather-incited nostalgic thinking. I find it odd because it’s as humid as the tropics and I live in Los Angeles.

It isn’t that I’ve never experienced humidity in my hometown, but the norm is dry heat. Southern California is in fact a desert.

Anyway, back to the nostalgia. I lived in Torreon Coahuila , Mexico for one year as a teenager. Flash floods were common on my grandparents street. Is was major boulevard with a hospital across the street.

The humidity was annoying, but the mosquitos were the worse. They ate me up alive even after I used ‘la bomba’ on my bedroom. This was my ineffective weapon.

La Bomba

Still, I loved the smell of an impending storm. I would hang out in the blue white tile courtyard. It boasted a productive lime tree.

The old fashioned washing machine (complete with a ringer) was underneath a corrugated metal roof. I loved the sound of the roof as the rain came down.

All my senses were in different realms or dimensions when it rained in Torreon. And when the rain left me I faced a dry, plain reality.

Before I met my husband I lived in a Pasadena house with roommates. We had a concrete slab porch. I used it to smoke my cigarettes on the coveted porch. Porch, smokes and a crazy humid thunderstorm was sheer joy to me.

Today I’m free of smokes and mosquitos, yet part of me stays in those places. I, of course, got into the rain to drench myself. I think everyone should succumb to the elements for a while. It’s free.

 

Aftermath

Posted: August 1, 2014 in Bipolar, Health, Life, Love, mental health, women

July 27th was my birthday and no, I will not say my age. I’m middle-aged and that’s all I’ll divulge. Am I vain? Yes. Absolutely.

I had a lovely birthday complete with gifts, well wishes, yummy food and affection. I was taken care of by all who love me.

The aftermath is always strange and fuzzy. I’m in an awkward state for a few days. Then I do my life assessment – accomplishments and failures. This is dangerous, but I do it anyway.

When will it all end? Bipolar is forever. Hysterectomy – am I really a woman? Knee replacement surgery is forthcoming. Until then pain and fear is a staple in every step I take.

On the flip side, I have gone on amazing trips with my lovely husband. I can speak Spanish. I have two blogs. And I have a lot of good people who love me.

Why do I do this to myself? Maybe I want to lob my own stones at my own house. I’ve been doing this all my life. Judging myself is the place where I hide.

I don’t hide all the time, but birthdays are a trigger. I think reaching physical and mental balance is like scaling Mt. Everest. Sadly, I don’t want a Sherpa.

 

It Repeats Itself

Posted: July 21, 2014 in History, Life, Politics, Race, Religion, Society

DISCLOSURE: I have Jewish, Muslim, Christian and atheist friends. All of them value life.

Anyone who follows my blog knows I’m fond of making lists. It alleviates stress for me and makes me proud of my levity and humor. That said, there are lists that are not easy or funny and will cause much stress.

I’m referring to a time and place when paperwork, typewriters and forgeries equaled life. Many Jewish and non-Jewish children were saved by good people who were not Jewish. World War II …. big deal, right?

I know everyone knows about the Holocaust, Schindler’s List etc. And yes, many acts of heroism, heartache and cruelty. Should we just let such history go? It’s been 75 years since Hitler reared his psychotically evil head.

Shall we forget it, then? HELL NO! Why not? The evil spirit of the Holocaust is here, today. Today’s Nazis go to Synagogue, fast for Ramadan and shut their Christian eyes and ears to the world’s suffering children.

An Israeli Parliament member stated that all Palestinians are terrorists and their mothers should be killed. All I could think of was her ancestors. Does she not know who she is? http://english.astroawani.com/news/show/israeli-mp-says-mothers-of-all-palestinians-should-be-killed-40024

Perhaps she thinks that her race is superior? Where have I heard that before? All of us are here for a reason. Whether you believe in God or not we can all agree that there is no superior race. We are capable of wondrous reasoning and self-serving bullshit.  

 

 

Regardless of the fact that I take my Lithium, Seroquel, Zoloft and Lamectal every night the world can trump my psychiatric due diligence.  I use to think my pills could save me from everything.

The world showed me how the psychotically violent either went off their meds or was never on them to begin with. The message was take your meds and you’ll be just fine. Damn, I’m stupid.

So when human atrocities and cruelty happen across the globe and right here at home it can be devastating for me.The panic feeling wells up inside me. My muscles ache as if I had the flu. Then my mind decides to run a marathon without shoes.

Perhaps I should just turn off my TV, PC and Kindle. Even better I can just leave my husband, family and friends to reside in a lovely cave. Uh, no. I’ve gone too far. So what should I do?

I bet most readers of this post think I should just go to therapy. My psychiatrist prefers that I go but it’s not a priority for me. For one thing I’ve been therapist shopping and it isn’t easy. Chemistry has to be there.

Then I considered group therapy. I’ve been in 3 behavioral programs where I bonded with everyone. It’s nice to be in a group where everyone gets it . Downside is that creates an us versus them mentality. Transference rears its ugly head. Exits from the group feel like death.

My final options are to cry, blog and talk to my loved ones. I had these catastrophic feelings for most of my life. I remember how bad it got, but I have my trusty husband and Ativan now. 

 

 

Yes. It’s that time again. Your beloved bipolar is in a list making mood. The topic? It’s incredibly contrived but my lithium has yet to kick in. What all, most, more than ten women want.

1. To make more money than men – no need to explain.

2. The perfect bra – this is such a big deal. Bras have stabbed, chafed and bound helpless breasts for centuries. They should be pretty, soft and supportive,

3. A world where every man is circumcised – A short circumcised penis trumps a huge uncircumcised penis every day of the week. Just being honest.

4. A way to make men get pregnant – After 9 months they are then qualified to pass laws and opinions on reproductive rights.

6. To own a pair of Manolo Blahniks (shoes) – even if you can’t wear them you can place it in a crystal case and show it to your friends.

7. No matter how conservative a woman can be she still wants at least one gay friend and/or hairdresser. You can’t fight it. It’s nature. Gays complete you – thanks Jerry McGuire.

8. The complete eradication of yeast infections, UTIs and cramps – If we get this the world gets a kickass nirvana.

9. A real man with a job, his own place and never borrows money from anyone.

10. Honesty – for some reason men and women have a hard time with this. Maybe it’s because vulnerability is involved. I get it. Its tough. Still, it is what women want.