Archive for October, 2012

There was a time in my life when I was dying. Over twenty-five years-ago, I was living in a house with no utilities. I was barely eating a meal a day. Then of course, I got sick.

Plagued with a bladder infection and crippling depression, I thought I was a ghost. In pain, physically and mentally, I wanted it to end. In 8 months, I had lost over 40 lbs.

In the end, my mother saved me. My brother got me an interview, which lead to a job. I promised myself that I would never get that desperate again.

I never became a squatter again. I always had a source of income. Being poor didn’t bother me. It was being destitute, hopeless that could end me. I operated under that belief.

Recently, I was sick with the stomach flu. It kept me away from blogging. Unlike the Monica of 25 years-ago, I have insurance, a dutiful husband and a home with all the amenities.

That said, my depression still stalks me. I’m on five different drugs for my bipolar disorder and all it takes is my body shutting down to bring me a destitute place.

Writing is an obligation to myself. I have no children, except for my blogs. For me, it requires focus and structure of thoughts. It requires me to be stronger than my illness.

Yesterday, I ate solid food, did laundry and wrote a little. I can feel myself coming back, but getting sick scares me.

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Top Romney Surrogate Sununu to Piers Morgan: Colin Powell Endorsed Obama Because They’re Both Black.

Is this guy for real? If that’s the case, why didn’t Herman Cain endorse Obama? I guess there are no black people in the GOP or maybe black people just aren’t wanted.

Congratulations, Mr Romney. It’s official. You’re a good-for-nothing bigot, if you don’t fire Sununu right now and apologize to President Obama and Colin Powell!

2012 and you find it okay for one of your surrogates to say such a racist and ignorant statement. Sununu isn’t fit to breathe the same air as President Obama and Colin Powell!

For the past few days, I’ve been writing a lot of poems and posting them on my other blog http://medicatedwordzallowed.wordpress.com/. I get lots of ‘likes’ off them.

Sometimes, I can’t imagine why people like them. I do rewrites the way most people breathe. That said, it is this blog that causes the most anxiety.

I fear that I am too preachy or simplistic. I’m trying to stay away from politics, because I got into a heated argument with a follower. Although, this is an important issue to me.

Intellectually, I know that these are manifestations of my mental illness. It doesn’t make me feel any better.  Yesterday and the day before, I slept, cried and did little to nothing.

Even as I sit before my drug dealer aka my pc, I am judging myself and all that I write. I have tasks that need to be done today and I’m dreading the prospect of leaving my home.

All words of encouragement are needed and appreciated.

As I have mentioned in previous posts, I know what poverty feels like. That said, having limited funds doesn’t necessarily deter happiness. Creativity is the key.

I recall going to a lot of ‘free’ places as a child. My siblings, mother and I use to spend hours at parks, museums and street festivals. My mother kept us involved until we were beat.

When we got home, we were exhausted and slept throughout the night. This was how my mother got her alone time. She also played all kinds of games. Mom was also an expert at pretending.

Ten years ago, I decided to work part time as a nanny for an autistic child. He was lovely. He had his moments of course, but I cared for him very deeply. Sadly, I had to resign.

It wasn’t because of him. His mother was the issue. She was an attorney in Los Angeles and was not willing to make major life adjustments for her special needs son.

Her career was more important than going to therapy twice a week. She flat out told me that she had to work. She was an attorney in L.A. and she thought she had no choices?

My single mother had a legally blind, mildly retarded daughter and two other kids. She managed to take my sister to all her appointments without a car and no babysitter.

She had no choices because she insisted on living in very wealthy neighborhood, driving a Mercedes and pampering her younger unemployed husband.

Why can’t people just choose to live without the bells and whistles, extra frills and pretentious extra ‘stuff’? You’ll find that life is less expensive that way.

Less expensive life, means not climbing any ladders. The only thing you should be climbing is a rock wall with you kids!

I’ve been hearing lately a term called ‘forcible rape’. As a rational woman, I find the term absurd. It’s like saying ‘wet water’. All water is wet and all rape is forced.

Then I thought about certain scenarios and wondered if men (or even women) considered them rape, sexual assault, sexual misconduct or none of the above.

If two consenting adults are having intercourse and one of them says stop and the other doesn’t, was does that constitute?

If a husband grabs his wife’s crotch and doesn’t let go after she says stop, what do we call that?

When anyone (male or female) is mentally and/or physically incapacitated and someone has sex with him or her, is that okay?

After my brother was born, my mother was told by her doctor to abstain from sex for 6 weeks so her body could heal.  That didn’t stop my father from trying to get some.

My mother asked her Catholic priest to talk to my father. The priest said he would, but warned that according to church doctrine she was not allowed to deny her husband!

I think it boils down to respect and power. Are your needs and wants more important than your target? Do you need to dominate another human being in order to feel fulfilled?

Okay, so I’m in a list making mood … yet again. This one is why Americans should love Europeans. Disclaimer * I have yet to go to Europe, but Europe has come to me.

1. Accents are awesome! Brits, Scots, Irish, French and Italian need only speak a few words and American chastity is no more!

2. Music: The Beatles, Rolling Stones, Sex Pistols, The Who and Pink Floyd – brilliant!

3. The French have given us The Statue of Liberty, awesome kisses, food rich in butter, cream and cheese, love times 100 and champagne. Tres magnifique!

4. Italians, like the French, have blessed us with sinful food and wine. So go to the Vatican for confession as soon as possible.

5. Europe is the wellspring of art. Michelangelo, Rafael, Da Vinci, Monet, Degas, Manet, Picasso, Rembrandt, Klimt and on and on – have exposed us to beautiful humanity.

6. Greece is the birthplace of democracy, The Olympics and Mediterranean goodness.

7. The UK has Stonehenge, James Bond, castles galore, the lovely Queen Elizabeth, fish and chips and blood pudding! Not bad considering that in can fit in my California!

8. Hollywood ( 10 minutes away) loves British and Italian imports. Just a few notables: Daniel Craig, Clive Owen, Danny Boyle (brilliant filmmaker), Judy Dench, Helen Mirren, Roberto Benigni, Sofia Loren

9. Some of the nicest, most unpretentious people I’ve ever met have been European.

10. Europe gave America her basis. Our first immigrants were from England, Ireland, France, Germany and Russia. We are them and they are us.

Just a few jokes from the bipolar Latina.

1. I’m not saying you’re dumb. You’re the most intelligent Neanderthal I’ve ever met.

2. That Tupperware enclosed substance is no longer food. It’s an EPA investigation case.

3. I’m not saying you dress slutty, but your priest just left money on your nightstand.

4. I’m not saying you’re unattractive, but you’ll always have your great personality.

5. I’m not saying you’re a womanizer, but you are looking for your penis in a field.

6. I know you can cook … in an alternate universe.

7. You’re a liar, opportunist, money ciphering sexist pig. Welcome to the GOP Presidential candidacy.

8. Who needs ObamaCare? I got my pliers, huntin’ knife and plenty of booze.

9. If you leave me, tough shit. I’m going with you.

10. They had a Catholic divorce. He dropped dead and the divorce was final!