Archive for September, 2013

The Girls

Posted: September 30, 2013 in Friendship, Fun, Jokes, Life, Love, Men, sex, Society, women
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I’ve heard it said that friendship amongst women is tenuous at best, compared to the strong bond amongst men. I think it’s ridiculous to compare apples and oranges.

Men have friendships and acquaintances that can endure decades with minimal communication. When they meet its pleasant, awkward and beer is needed. Throw in a card game or sports and awkward is out the window.

Women can instantly become spiritual sisters in 2.5 seconds. Bear your soul, pass the chocolate, wine and it’s a done deal. She’s your long-lost sister! Getting together with women is priceless. A thousand shrink sessions doesn’t equal one girlfriend powwow.

What can we talk about? Everything, of course! Lots of details, please. If a woman is a suspected terrorist, set her up with a ‘Ladies’ Night’ interrogation tactic. In 5 minutes, the girls will get the entire low down!

I am so blessed to have some truly beautiful friends. When I say beautiful, I’m referring to their craziness, warmth, raunchy humor and life-affirming spirit. If you have all these traits, your physical features don’t matter. That said, my friends are disgustingly lovely!

I hope my friends know how much I love and cherish them. They are the ones that give my life color, spice and dimension. God bless them all!

You Will Be Tested On This

Posted: September 28, 2013 in Love, Politics, Religion
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I’m in the mood to drop some Bible verses and see how we are all doing on the God scale. I wonder which political party Jesus would join.

Romans 13:8  Owe no one anything, except to  love each other, for the one who loves another has fulfilled the law.

Ephesians 4:2 with all humility and gentleness,  with patience, bearing with one another in love,

1 John 4:7  Beloved, let us love one another,  for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows  God.

And now the Son of God, Jesus Christ says

Matthew 5:43-48  You have heard that it was  said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I say to you, Love  your enemies and pray for those who persecute you,  so that you may be sons  of your Father who is in heaven. For he makes his sun rise on the evil and on  the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust.  For if you love  those who love you, what reward do you have? Do not even the tax collectors do  the same? And if you greet only your brothers, what more are you doing than others? Do not even the Gentiles do the same? You therefore must be  perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect.

Matthew 6:24-25  ”No one can serve two  masters, for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be  devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and money.   “Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or  what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing?

Matthew 5:9  “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they  shall be called sons of God.

2 Corinthians 13:11  Finally, brothers,  rejoice. Aim for restoration, comfort one another, agree with one another, live in peace; and the God of love and peace will be with you.

 

 

 

 

 

Liberal Joke Rant

Posted: September 26, 2013 in America, Jokes, Life, Politics, Race, Religion, sex, Society
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Anyone that knows me, knows that I am staunch liberal Democrat. I make the Michael Moore look like Glenn Beck and Donald Trump’s lovechild! With that out-of-the-way, I shall proceed with my liberal joke rant.

Republicans don’t mind going to hell. They make policy deals with the devil everyday and can negotiate a lovely condo area.

Republicans don’t wear underwear. It blocks their vision.

No one knows if Republicans were ever born. Hospital records show no mothers and references to some kind of mutation!

Republicans soak their feet to drown the immigrants underneath them.

Republicans love pickled pig’s feet because they’re cannibals.

Republicans love hunting trips to Detroit.  Sadly, they saw Hostel!

Republicans don’t want same-sex marriage, because it will be the next demand and/or threat their boy toys make to them.

Republicans are against abortion, because their mothers tell them every day, I should have had you aborted !

When everyone is praying with their eyes closed in church, Republicans take pictures of young Christian cleavage!

Now that we have a very liberal Pope, Republicans are calling him a Muslim extremist.

He’s a Negro-lovin’, cocky tall ass freak and his wife is an uppity wacko, said the GOP about Republican President Abraham Lincoln!

I’m old enough to know that the choices we make in life are going to steer us into our destiny. I use to not believe in destiny at all, but in retrospect there is evidence of it throughout my life.

I’ve been poor most of my life , but it hasn’t stopped me from going to wealthy places in the world and blending right in. My very ethnic background has not been a hindrance to me. It’s an asset. All of these are positive things, but its the things I said no to that really mattered.

Without going into great detail, I had the opportunity to shoot a very evil man. Thankfully, I didn’t. It would not have mattered if I had been arrested or not. An act like that would have killed the essence of who I truly am. It would have been the death of two. Did my bravery and/or cowardice make things all better? Of course not.

My suffering continued for most of my life via an undiagnosed bipolar disorder and various types of abuse. I can best describe my pain as like having your beloved 40-year-old son still living in your house rent-free. He sucks away your energy while fervently reminding you, I’m your son! Translation: you owe me. So why do I owe anything to my pain? Answer: it has never left me when so many others have. Sick, right?

What good has my pain given me? A very discerning eye when it comes to men and their relationship to children. My pain has given me empathy to all walks of life, therefore making me immune to bigotry, racism and all hatred. Lastly, my pain has made a writer. Sometimes a good writer, maybe.

My pain has also plagued me with fear. I’m not particularly religious, but I do fear of going to hell. I fear of having to suffer while dying.  I’m still afraid of heights, flying and bridges. Amusement parks, turbulence, hot air balloons, Texas and Florida are not for me. Not crazy about their laws, sorry.

I’m 44 years old and I wonder if I want to grow and put this into ‘God’s hands’ . My very Christian mom has stated this several times. I don’t like shoving my problems over to anybody (even a nice deity).

In the words of Winona Ryder from the movie Heathers, “If you were happy every day of your life you wouldn’t be a human being. You’d be a game-show host.” I’d rather be human.

I’ve been having a challenging time in trying to remember when my mental issues started. I use to think that it may have started around the time I was molested, but I’m not sure.

I don’t mind saying that my mother used the belt and other things on me.  Many times she ran off for hours and I often wondered if I should call the cops on her, but I never did.

Decades later, she admitted to being wrong and asked for my forgiveness. Of course, I forgave her. All that happened between the ages of 6 to 10.  The sexual abuse was between the ages of 11 to 14.

So when did it happen? When did I become bat shit crazy? I cried for hours as a child. I contemplated suicide and/or nonlethal attacks on my tormenters.

Nope. Never did attack anyone but I did try to end me. My theory was if I blamed my tormenters in the suicide note they would be tormented forever.

Also on my self-harm menu was: scratching my scalp until it bled, pulling out my hair by the roots, cutting, burning and slamming my hand/arm on hard objects

Maybe I was born with it. Perhaps the bullies and perverts in my life gave my mania a turbo boost. One thing is for sure, no one except for my husband, ever gave me a way out.

Before my husband, I suffered alone. I was told to snap out of it, cheer up, get over it and the ever popular it’s all in your head! I know what hell is … it’s all in my head!

I wonder how I ever survived. I wonder if I was ever truly sane after age 6. I know that I have more than a few happy, silly memories.

Still, I resent the fact that I had to wait 40 years to get properly diagnosed! I resent the fact that no one in my life (before my husband) really investigated into finding a solution to my problem!

I resent the fact that my mother expects a “cure”!! Really? Every time I talk about the past she insists I don’t forgive her. I’m ranting here. Must refocus. I think I need extra help. Don’t we all?

I’m not naïve by any stretch of the imagination. I know that there will always be good and evil people. I wish to advise that evil can paint itself into a benevolent image. That said, I will highlight the toxic pond scum that hurt children in any way, shape or form.

Charles Brainard Hogan, is a former West Virginia church custodian who said he molested a 7-year-old relative because she tempted him “by prancing around in short shorts.” Then he went on to confess to assaulting another girl because his wife wouldn’t have sex with him for 3 years!

But wait, there’s creepy more! He rambled on about Bible scripture. Essentially saying, you can’t judge me because you have all sinned too!  I’m sure God likes to see scripture used to help a pedophile. By the way, his father is a Baptist minister!

He isn’t the only Bible-thumper to harm a child and I’m not just referring to Catholic priests. It happens everywhere along the Bible Belt. 

It happened to me by an ordained minister/psychologist. He was so revered and admired. A regular silver-tongued devil! He even got me alone in his car and got me to say that he never abused me. Of course, it was all being recorded.

Fortunately, God loved me more than him. His lung cancer death was slow and excruciatingly painful. There is nothing free in this world! We all have to pay for our choices in life one way or another.

The real tragedy is that children pay the price as well. When they get older, quality of life may be tainted. The little nuggets of happiness can become a battle to find.

http://youtu.be/FmiVlyAfTnw

Needs and desires change for women throughout life. I’m sure it does for men too but, I’m a woman and this it’s my uterine rant.

In the beginning of puberty, you want to be ‘positively’ noticed. You hone in on nonverbal, sensual communication. With any luck, you get a hard and fast response (no pun intended).

When you’re quasi-independent, 20-ish, single and irresistible, you expect certain things to be a given. Why? Because you’re young and dumb!

Not paying for your drinks, cherry picking the guys on your friends list and never ever being rejected is a reasonable expectation for a member of the tramp stamp brigade (a lot of times its henna).

Then it happens! LIFE steps in and molds you into your authentic self. Committed relationship, kids, bills, mortgage, unsexy recreation and Disney has moved in to your once X-rated life. Then your eternal drug dealer becomes Spanx, elastic and Pilates begins!!

So what does the authentic you want? A realm where the uttering of the word ma’am is punishable by death is a good start. Getting carded is an absolute thrill! Being told you look 10 years younger than your age is awesome. If you tell a salesperson that you’re looking for a party dress and you’re directed to the Misses or Petite department that is a cause for celebration!

Government shouldn’t worry about terrorist threats. There is a greater threat out there. It’s the assault rifle packing, post menopausal Texan woman who got called ma’am one too many times!