Smile For The Camera

Posted: February 8, 2014 in Bipolar, Children, Life, mental health
Tags: , , , , ,
Me, my sister Carmen and my brother Esteban.

Me, my sister Carmen and my brother Esteban.

YoungMe TeenMoni

I was looking for old pictures of myself to remind myself of what a good actress I was. Happiness doesn’t always look like happiness.

In the first picture, I’m with my siblings. I’m the one in the blue dress. I was happy because it was Easter and I was hunting for eggs in the park. I was also burning up in the California sun. My mother was big on making me wear stockings.

The second picture is marred. So was the girl. I was 12 or 13 years old and my breasts were coming in. My mother’s boyfriend noticed. I made a cute looking victim.

In the last picture, I was 18 years old, manic and tormented. This was a good day because I was on the upswing. This picture shows a lovely, happy and coquettish girl, not a suicidal one.

I like these pictures because they lie with absolute perfection. The second picture drops a hint. It is again marred externally and internally. It’s the beginning of a dying me.

I’m not dying anymore. The past doesn’t hurt me like it use to. I just find it amazing how well I could hide it when a camera was looking.

Always smile for the camera! That’s the message I got. When you look back on your life in these pictures, you want to be happy. I’m not sure if prefer an honest image or a pretty one.

  1. belsbror says:

    How should we appear on photos? During our early days, we would be cajoled to look happy and vibrant. But perhaps, as you recounted, there were certain events behind the happy shots, those that were painful that was not captured on film.
    I am sorry to hear about your sad experience. But as you said, the smile in a photograph could hide the tears of the past.


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