Laugh …. If You Want To Live

Posted: October 8, 2013 in Children, Family, Fun, Jokes, Life, Men, Politics, sex, Society, women
Tags: , , ,

Just a few jokes to hilariously disgust you. If you don’t care for them, keep it to yourself. Ignorance is bliss!

After 20 years of marriage, I’m leaving you for another woman. Phew! I was about to say the same thing!

We’re letting you go because you lack inspiration. (thought) Inspiration, huh? I planted a virus in the mainframe! Inspired enough for ya?

You have two months to live. That’s okay. I have my boss’ secret credit card! Hello Bangkok and Amsterdam!

Mommie, can I keep this cat? Just like your father … always bringing in stray pussy into my house!

Please let me stay another night! I need your love so badly! No! You’re not my only client, Senator!

This is the ultimate diet. No fat, carbs, protein, vegetables or fruit! Am I allowed to breathe? Sure, for dessert of course.

Does this dress make me look slutty? No, you look really nice. Damn it! I was going for the whore chic look!

Wanna ride the pony, baby? When’s that pony gonna turn into the stallion you promised? 

Happy Birthday! I bought you a truly classic mode of transportation. Uh, it’s a horse and buggy. Yeah, classic.

That club scene is so fake, loud and full of shallow assholes. Couldn’t get in, huh? Not even close!

I’m happy to inform you that your son can skip high school and go straight to college. His IQ is 120! Hell no! I can’t afford college! C’mon son, we got some brain cells to kill! 

Dad, I’ve been accepted to Columbia! That’s great, baby. I didn’t know you spoke Spanish!

You’ve held me back long enough! I’m going to spread my wings and fly. You may not hear from me for the first year. Uh, can you lend me $20?

How does he get everyone to jump out of the plane? He tells them that there’s a bomb on the plane! Wow, that’s clever! No, there really is a bomb on the plane!

Life is cruel, unfair and too many have run it into the ditch! I can’t go on like this! Honey Boo Boo, Duck Dynasty and NASCAR will be back on as soon as you pay the cable bill!

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