Dear Tea Party,

I read your website to see how you define your organization. This is what I found. I made a few comments.

The Mission of  First, let us explain what the Tea Party Movement actually is. There is no single national “TEA PARTY” organization, so do not let anyone tell you otherwise. This is a truly grassroots movement embracing many issues and many names: TEA, Patriot, Liberty, Conservative. There are several thousand, completely independent groups (you mean like terrorist cells) across the Nation fighting in their own way (sounds like terrorism) to restore our America before it is too late (too late? What do you know that I don’t!). Like many of you (assumption), we decided to stand up ( I stand up, sit down, walk around everyday) so our children inherit as great a nation as we did (which nation is that and my nation was in debt, run by a Republican and full of drugs when I was a kid), not a socialist paradise (it’s paradise … that’s a good thing) crippled by debt (no debt in paradise).

Like many of you(assumption), we looked at what we could do, and do well, to make a difference (vague as hell). With so many already in the fight across the nation, we decided to find ways to connect individuals and organizations, to share the message, and, above all, to bring more Americans into this movement (you sound like a cult). That is what is about: bringing our shared message to as many Americans as possible, giving them the tools to get involved, and connecting them to others locally to make a difference (again, vague as hell).

Our mission is to recruit millions of like-­‐minded Americans to the Tea Party Movement in order to advance the principles of limited government (your mission is to recruit? like an army? perhaps militia?), fiscal restraint, and individual liberty at all levels of government (does this mean a government employee or public servant can do anything?)  through promotion and education. The Tea Party Movement is a grassroots movement of millions of like-­‐minded Americans from all backgrounds (bullshit! You hate blacks, Latinos, Muslims and people who went to high school).

Tea Party members share similar core principles supporting the United States Constitution as the Founders intended (have you read comments made by the Founding Fathers?), such as: Limited Federal Government Individual freedoms Personal responsibility Free markets Returning political power to the states and the people As a movement, the Tea Party is not a political party nor is it looking to form a third political party any time soon (Why not? Don’t want to be humiliated on election day or in televised debates?). The Tea Party Movement is, instead, about reforming all political parties and government so that the core principles of our Founding Fathers become, once again, the foundation upon which America stands. (Wow ….. that’s deep! Can I get a pillow stitched with last line?).

So, I’ve decided to seek membership to your fine organization.  I just have a few things to disclose. I weigh 450 lbs. Never worked a day in my life, but don’t worry I got welfare.  I’m transgender, but I have no idea what genitals I have (the belly). My parents are Mexican and Nigerian. And I worship Thor. At least I’m not a Muslim, right?

  1. Howisbradley says:

    I’ve never gone to their website so thank you for going for me. I’m not surprised that they are full of shit.


  2. The Tea Party sounds a lot like Australia’s (excruciatingly embarrassing) One Nation Party…


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