The Talented

Posted: August 31, 2013 in America, Jokes, Life, Politics, sex, Society, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , ,

In today’s job market, many recent college graduates might be tempted to list skills and talents on their résumés that might make them stand out. While this tactic might get you the job, it may hurt you down the line.

So here are a few skills and/or talents that in my opinion should never appear on a résumé. Unless, of course, your shooting for that lifestyle.

The ability to suck the chrome off a trailer hitch is not a marketable skill unless …. you know.

Cornering the bead market during Mardi Gras will guarantee that you have no future in politics, unless you want to intern forever.

Passing drug screening tests even though you snort, smoke and inject everything but the kitchen sink is not something to brag about!

Having boilermakers for breakfast and driving convincingly well is a talent you should keep to yourself.

Fifteen years experience as Dungeon Master in your grandmother’s basement with ten other virgins does not constitute management history!

Selling pot out of your dorm room does not constitute pharmaceutical distribution experience.

Getting out of jury duty ten times in a row is not even close to a legal apprenticeship.

If you’ve been burning or blowing things up since kindergarten, you are not law enforcement material. You’re incarceration material. Go talk to a nice doctor. NOW!

Finally, committing identity theft to funnel monies to a fake bank account is illegal and may just get that job on Wall St!

 

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