My Sister

Posted: August 14, 2013 in Children, Health, Life, Love, mental health, Society
Tags: , , , , , ,
Carmen

Carmen and Mom

http://youtu.be/A_S-AsJRbdg

Today is my sister Carmen’s birthday. She’s 43 years-old. I called her and sang ‘Happy Birthday’ this morning. I really do love her.

Carmen is unlike anyone I know. She does not ever edit herself. That’s a double-edged sword. She dreams and wants without logic or reason. And she can hate and love you in the same breath.

I often wonder what Carmen would be like if she wasn’t legally blind and didn’t have the intellect of a child. Carmen was born perfectly normal and was dropped on her head when she was 40 days old. That one event affected our family in the most profound way.

What kind of family would we be if Carmen was normal? What kind of life would all of us have if the accident never happened?  I know that my life will always be guided because of Carmen. When my mother dies, I’ll step in. I’ve known this my whole life. I have always worried about Carmen.

I judged all her caretakers, teachers and friends harshly. That includes my mother and myself. Carmen is an authority on trying my patience. As children, we use to physically and verbally fight. Her screams and tears haunt me to this day. I’ve said many awful things to her. Things I wish I could take back.

It’s not easy to love Carmen. Her mood and personality can turn on a dime. She is known for her crazy schemes. She has ideas such as starting a business after taking a photography or art class, saving money to go on trips or buying a house. Carmen is on a fixed income and will be for the rest of her life. Nonetheless, she wants credit cards, a computer and everything ‘normal’ people take for granted.

Carmen is never satisfied for very long. She never learns from her mistakes because she doesn’t remember. I can’t reason with her because she sees it as an attack. Just writing this is exhausting and painful. At the end of the day, I do love my sister and I’m glad she survived. Still, I wonder what kind of person I would be without Carmen. God forgive me.

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