Prudent Choice

Posted: January 7, 2013 in Children, Life, Religion, sex, Society, women
Tags: , , , , ,

The Bible has had points that I often refer to in my life. Matthew 5:30 currently applies to me.

It reads: And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away.

It’s not my hand that has caused me sin for over 25 years, in one way or another. It’s what determines my gender.

Today I told my gynecologist to cut it off, once and for all. My reasons for this extreme choice are valid.

In the past 6 to 7 months, I have endured 3 gynecological surgeries. I thought the last one would end it. It didn’t.

This one is sure to end it. A uterus can’t grow back. So that’s it. End of story.

I’ll have my surgery and my life will be great, right ? The answer is yes … but. I feel this pain in the ass void.

I’m 43 years old, childless and seeking physical peace.  I know it sounds like I’m complaining.

Truth is, I don’t want to be pregnant. I don’t think a kid would be happy with crazy me.

I don’t think I have the emotional fortitude to deal with the terrible twos, sullen teenager and possibly a mentally ill child.

I am bipolar and mental illness is hereditary. All are logical points and I accept them.

Still, I am permanently altering my body. I’m killing the child-making variable and deep inside it hurts a little.

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Comments
  1. Jnana Hodson says:

    I remember being in a political science seminar (graduate level) when someone said, “Unmixed blessings are rare.”
    That was even without any consideration of the emotional levels.

    Like

  2. coconutspeak says:

    I appreciate that comment. Thank you.

    Like

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