My Relief Is Sadistic But Honest

Posted: January 2, 2013 in Life, Politics, Race, Religion, sex, women
Tags: , , , , , ,

My diagnostic exam (i.e. ultrasound) was today. It was awful and painful.

An appointment for my gynecologist to give me the results is set for Monday.

I bounce from feeling hollow to feeling unfettered rage. Don’t worry. This post is my purge.

As I sat in my car for a few minutes, I tried to cry. I couldn’t shed one drop.

When I got home, I took a nap. No tears. Even now, I want to cry. But I can’t cry.

Instead, I’ll wish for a thief to show up. If he’s comes into the house, I can beat him.

I can beat him within an inch of his life. Should I need to shatter glass, crystal or wood, so be it.

I won’t kill him, but I’ll make him wish he was dead. That’s it. My relief is sadistic.

What a lousy Christian I am. To have such a vile wish is disgusting. Still, I have it.

Being a flawed woman is awful. I can’t even fix this myself. My role is to wait and imagine myself fighting.

Fighting home invaders, John Boehner, NRA and the Tea Party  via MMA  (mixed martial arts), furniture, vases and frying pans.

At some point I have to return back to a sweet Latina Lady. Just not right now.

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Comments
  1. kikischeuer says:

    Our flaws are part of what make us human and God understands that. You could ask Him to take the anger and rage from you, and I believe He will. But perhaps right now you need it to help you heal a part of you inside, in which case maybe asking for a wee extra strength in fighting or facing it all would suffice just fine. God Bless and stay strong my friend.
    ♥ Kyla ♥

    Like

  2. dreya07 says:

    Hello love, I just wanted to tell you to hold your head during these times. It’s in our darkest hour we need to depend on God for strength to carry on. Especially with feeling anger and rage! Don’t get into the negativity of any situation, try to gain positivity out it and press forward. Getting help to heal is always a great idea! I’ll be praying for you love, stay strong and PRAY. – Dreya

    Like

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