Missing A Limb

Posted: November 26, 2012 in Friendship, Life, Love, Society
Tags: , , , ,

I have talked about my sister Carmen quite a bit on this blog. It should be clear that I am close to her.

I have another sibling as well. I rarely speak of my brother, Esteban. As I write this now, I can feel the ache welling up.

My relationship with my brother has always been awful, strange and loving. Not always in that order.

Many times, I wanted him to be the brother of my dreams. I wanted him to call. Just for the sake of calling, because he missed me.

I wanted him to share his goals, shortcomings and strengths. Most of all, I wanted him to lighten up. I wanted too much.

My brother is not that man. To me, he is aloof, judgemental, secretive and emotionally detached. The reason for his station in life is not important.

I am sure that I have committed some type of sin in his eyes. Bottom line, we are eternally flawed. There are things we can overcome.

There are things we refuse to overcome. I get that, but I have a problem. I pitifully, irrationally and hopelessly want my brother to love me.

On Valentine’s Day 2000, my brother walked me down the aisle and told me he was proud of me. He also said he loved me.

I have a picture of he and I dancing on my wedding day. We look really happy. It’s on the refrigerator door in my kitchen.

Siblings should love each other! My husband lost his brother Andy, October 11, 2010. He was a young, energetic and loved by many.

It isn’t fair that he die, but he did. My husband loves his brother and misses him. One day, one of us three will die or my mother.

Will the others come together? I hope so, but I don’t know. Regardless, I know how to live without my brother. Terrible, isn’t it?

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Comments
  1. We don’t choose our family only our friends….our family isn’t always going to be our friends. We have to work with what we have and maintain the right people around us; whether it be family or friends. Side note, calling someone judgemental is a judgement, wouldn’t you have to be a judge to make that judgement????

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  2. coconutspeak says:

    I’ve had 43 years of experience to make that call, but I see your point.

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  3. passionwriting says:

    indeed…the pain is sometimes too unbearable..u keep questioning what went wrong..what can u do to fix it and end up lamenting things u don’t even know that turned to be messed..!

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  4. coconutspeak says:

    In regards to my brother, I don’t need to be right. I don’t even need him to explain his behavior. I just want a friendly, civil gathering. No promises at all. That said, it is quite possible that he doesn’t need his family. If that is the case, I will live with it.

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