A Purging

Posted: November 21, 2012 in Bipolar, Life, Love
Tags: , , , ,

I started blogging back in mid-July. In doing so, a metamorphosis occurred. As a bipolar, it’s almost a certainty that I will develop a compulsion.

Sure enough, it happen with blogging. I divorced myself from a personal issue I was struggling with and replaced it with Word Press. Good thing. Right?

Well …. yes and no. Every morning I pass my husband’s office, say good morning, go to my office, log on to Word Press and wait to see what mood I’m in.

The notifications and stats decide my happiness at that point. Shortly thereafter, my husband stumbles in with a perfect cup of coffee. I then proceed to one of my pills.

So this is my morning ritual and how it affects me. Predictably, I check my blog status throughout the day and attempt to be brilliant with every post.

Why does it mean so much to me? In a nutshell, I want to be a beloved writer. Loved by strangers with internet access and a passion for self-expression.

Why is this needed? I am well-loved by friends and family. People who know me tell me I’m great. I just don’t feel it sometimes.

Love is a bottomless pit for me. I’ve been that way most of my life. It’s difficult for me to admit that, but I need to say it. That’s it for today’s rant.

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Comments
  1. codymcdevitt says:

    This about sums up my philosophy with wordpress. And life as well… thanks for writing it.

    Like

  2. Doris says:

    It happened to me too, two weeks ago I notice I was addictive to the word press, it was the first thing I had to do in the morning, did not eat breakfast or anything, I am trying to check it after I do everything (I work at home so the computer is always there), but notice is not my blog I go to the reader all day long. For me, the blog is my thing, a lot of people do not know about it, it is self expression, but is true why do we need the validation. I think we learned what love is from others, and love is not what we think. Ah you are making me think… do not feel like thinking hahaha!

    Like

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