Bully Beatdown Fantasy

Posted: September 3, 2012 in Life, Society
Tags: , , , , ,

One of my nightly rituals is watching ‘World’s Dumbest … whatever’ with my husband. I like to watch people hurt themselves via stupidity, turn to my husband and say, “See that? Darwin was right.”

Lately I thought about nonlethal ways I could safely stop a fight between two people. For better or for worse, here’s what I came up with.

1. Dump a bucket full of ice water on both fighters. This works quite nicely when the weather is freezing.

2. While out of sight, shout ‘ (insert fighters name), your house is on fire!’ An excellent excuse to get your ass home!

3. While out of sight, again, shout ‘ (insert fighters name), your Mom had a heart attack !’

4. Get a disposable glove and hit one of the fighters with fresh dog poo. Then run like the wind.

5. Vomit into a styrofoam cup and toss it at the fighters. Then run like the wind.

6. Shout  ‘cops are coming’.

7. Have a bunch of kids douse them with water guns filled with olive oil or olive oil balloons (as opposed to water balloons).

8. If all else fails, call the cops.

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Comments
  1. wait..what?…olive oil…oh my o_O

    Like

  2. coconutspeak says:

    Agreed. Maybe a little rosemary thrown in?

    Like

  3. katrinagrey says:

    Love those shows…my guilty pleasure!

    Like

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