Bully Beatdown Fantasy

Posted: September 3, 2012 in Life, Society
Tags: , , , , ,

One of my nightly rituals is watching ‘World’s Dumbest … whatever’ with my husband. I like to watch people hurt themselves via stupidity, turn to my husband and say, “See that? Darwin was right.”

Lately I thought about nonlethal ways I could safely stop a fight between two people. For better or for worse, here’s what I came up with.

1. Dump a bucket full of ice water on both fighters. This works quite nicely when the weather is freezing.

2. While out of sight, shout ‘ (insert fighters name), your house is on fire!’ An excellent excuse to get your ass home!

3. While out of sight, again, shout ‘ (insert fighters name), your Mom had a heart attack !’

4. Get a disposable glove and hit one of the fighters with fresh dog poo. Then run like the wind.

5. Vomit into a styrofoam cup and toss it at the fighters. Then run like the wind.

6. Shout  ‘cops are coming’.

7. Have a bunch of kids douse them with water guns filled with olive oil or olive oil balloons (as opposed to water balloons).

8. If all else fails, call the cops.

  1. wait..what?…olive oil…oh my o_O


  2. coconutspeak says:

    Agreed. Maybe a little rosemary thrown in?


  3. katrinagrey says:

    Love those shows…my guilty pleasure!


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