Love In Reality

Posted: August 13, 2012 in Love
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I have (in previous posts) explained why I avoided romantic relationships with Hispanic men.  Now, I will address the very popular topic of Love.  Just to say the word makes you feel good!

Oh how we love, love, love!  The euphoria that sweeps us into making long-term commitments because our hearts are about to burst.  I love her! So, I co-sign her car loan. I need him! So I won’t be alone.  And oh, by the way, we’re in love!

When you ask most people to describe love, odds are you will get the euphoric, overwhelming, passionate version.  The Hollywood, Harlequin Romance version is what we want to feel.  I know I did.

In my late teens and in my 20’s, my #1 drug was love.  He had to be crazy about me. Unable to live without me. Had to generate enough passion to light up a city!  To all my girlfriends that sounded pretty good.

The reality was and still is, these are the prerequisites of a stalker.  If he can’t live without you, he won’t let you live without him!  Yes, that was a line in the movie ‘Sleeping With The Enemy’!

Sex, passion, love are great … in the movies.  In the movies, people have jobs, money, youth and the make-up department.  In the real world, people can be lazy, depressed, embarrassing and toxic.

“The woman makes the man”, said my ex-boyfriend’s grandmother.  Translation, if he’s a failure (and he was) , it’s my fault. I didn’t love him enough.  He should have worked harder because he loves me.  I know, insane.

And he went insane when I left him. I went to live in a male friend’s house. He broke in one night, got naked, and sat in the middle of an empty bedroom in the dark.

When that nightmare ended, I had a new prerequisite.  All boyfriends must be self-made men!  I do not want to be your mother, babysitter, savior or guru! If you succeed or fail in life, it’s on you.

So I went out with college-educated guys with nice cars and careers (not jobs). Can’t get anymore ‘self-made’ than that! Perfect, right? No, that whole ‘can’t live without me’ thing reared its creepy head.

I had a minor fight with a yuppy boyfriend and gave him his walking papers.  This time we didn’t live together. So I wasn’t worried. Then, Mr. 60K per year,  shattered my window, choked me, beat my face and chest.  I called the cops, got a restraining order and never saw him again.

What I needed was real love. Real love is subtle, tender, respectful and constant.  It’s taking a walk through a park without speaking and enjoying the perfect silence. It’s a look and voice that is strangely vulnerable

Confident, cocky men bombarded my love life for decades.  It was my painfully shy husband who really loves me.  It took him weeks to even kiss me, but he sought me out everyday for two weeks.  I was being courted. It was easy to say yes to his marriage proposal.

Throughout our marriage, we’ve had tragedies, problems and heartaches.  Like every couple, we have arguments and tough decisions are made.  I know one thing is certain.  I want no one else to love or be loved than my Scott.  I really love him for the man, husband and best friend that he is.

When picking a life-long mate, try to apply this criteria.  Imagine your loved one at his or her worst. No job. No sex. No inclination to even speak.  If you still want him or her, then you should be together.




  1. Doris says:

    I always say that love is not like the movies, it very different, I like this post! Now days men do not court the girl, is all about the sex, what you said at the end is so true.


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